Wednesday, 17 August 2011
I miss you. If I could count the tears I have cried and the hours I have wished for you, the number would be mind boggling, I am sure. Sometimes it feels like I've spent my entire life without you; sometimes it feels like you are still here. But in truth, I lived 20 years with you and now, one without.
In retrospect, a year doesn't seem like a long time, but nearly everything about me is different than it was then. Life has melted back into a new kind of normal. However, I am definitely not the same person you knew.
It seems strange to say, But I am a even more happier person. That quote that says you can't really laugh until you cry with your whole heart is true. My outlook on life has changed. You used to chide me for being such a pessimist. Well, I'm not anymore. I have discovered how to find the beautiful little things in life....something you taught me. Something that took me long to learn.
You always pushed me to be my best, to take pride in my work, to reach for my dreams, and to never give up. Over the past 11 years, I've had to learn to live without you. Gradually, I realized what you meant when you said not to let go my hopes as we cried together on your bed. It was by no means easy, but I can now say that I have learned to love myself enuf to continue on as I was before. I haven't let go of anything.
But it is time to let go of you. It took me long to understand that this not some trial period without you. I m scared to death of accepting the inevitable, but I know I have no other choice.
Those who have shared your fate surround you, and I am surrounded by the people who have been in my place before- ( your grandchildren) who love me and care for me.
I trace your name with my finger on the stone. This stone may not always be near me to remind me of you, but you will always be in my heart. Apart of me forever.