Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Recognize When You're Fighting Reality

     After a lecture on the brain development  which I attended in the library last evening, I was speaking to a 47 year old man from the audience who had a 20 year old son. This nice man named William, was telling me how disappointed he was that his son was decided not to attend college. He said that it was "his dream" that his son did not make the same mistake he had.
     William went on to say that he knew not going to college was the worst decision he had ever made and that he was certain his son would never recover if he make the same mistake. I could see in this man's eyes that he believed what he was saying, that his pain was real, and that it was severe.
     That fact of the matter was that William's son wasn't going to college. It was obvious that nothing this father could do or say was changing that fact. The problem was that William was fighting against certainty.
     Learning to recognize when we are arguing with, or struggling against, reality may be one of the smallest shifts you can make in your attitude. But it may also yield one of the most significant insights. Very simply, recognizing when you are fighting reality spells the difference between guaranteed misery and a life filled with peace and contentment.
     Think about what happens whenever any of us argue with reality, when we resist what is. We might dwell on how much we hate the fact that the new neighbor has moved in down the street, or that the liberals or the conservatives are in charge of Congress (as the case may be). The problem is that the neighbor has moved down the street, and the liberals or conservatives are in charge, just as William's son has decided not to attend college. In any of these cases, it's eye-opening to ask the question: how is resisting concrete reality going to help? Or put it even more bluntly, is there any chance whatsoever that fighting reality is going to make you feel better? The answer is- and will always be- No.
     You can hate the truth, and you can talk about it and resist it until you're blue in the face. You can complain and look for sympathy, stomp your feet, feel like a victim, and spend the rest of the your life feeling sad, depressed, angry, and resentful. But none of this is going to change anything.
     Being aware of the difference between what we can control and what we can't is critical for day-to-day happiness. Once we understand what we want to do, we can make the most important decisions about what we will do. Instead of fighting with his son, for instance, William could have simply shared his concerns and worked with him to ensure that the decision to skip college did not damage his future.
     It's a subtle shift in your thinking to be able to recognize when you're fighting reality, and the fact is that most of us do it a great deal of the time. But if you can make that slight change in your thinking, you will save yourself a great deal of agony and empower yourself and your decision like never before.

My second ebook "MAKE IT HAPPEN"  soon to be published at Amazon Kindle, in EPUB format and Paperback format. Working on the last couple of chapters and is entirely different from "MY LIBRARY OF THOUGHTS" .....Happy Reading n Have a blessed day :)  


  1. Interesting, i agree.
    New follower here from Book Blogs.

    TToria @ http://ttoria.blogspot.com


  2. Khairu,
    Very insightful. I found you on Mom Bloggers Club. My website is http://resully.com/blog I decided to change my thinking about 3 years ago. I recently read the book, The Secret the Power and it helped me see things in a more positive light.

    For example, a simple thing when pertaining to money is: instead of being upset that you have to pay so much for the electric bill, instead be thankful to the electric company that you have electricity and the money you pay to them is a gift from you to keep the service you have. I know it sounds weird at first, but it has helped me deal with more complex issues and try to see the positive in things.

  3. I found you on MBC
    :) Hope that you will follow as well