Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Strive for Understanding

     When you strive to understand, your focus is not on who is right or who is wrong, but on arriving at a heightened understanding where there is no winning and no losing. In a loving family everyone has the right to be understood. Communicating in this way is more positive and enjoyable way of relating.
     Misunderstandings and estrangement among families most often arise out of incomplete communication, hidden meanings, and unspoken assumptions. When you assume that you already know what the other person is going to say, or they assume that they already know what you mean without hearing you out, then understanding gets cut off prematurely. It's better to spend more time up front, to make sure you're on the same wavelength, than cutting off and having to go back over things later. Adopting a talk, listen n understand policy saves time n turmoil in the long run. That doesn't mean that you can't take a time out before you reach an understanding. It means that you are dedicated to see what life is like from your loved one's perspective. You can say, "I want to understand but I want to make this phone call first, then I'll be able to pay close attention."
     Seeing the glum look on your face, your husband asks, "What's wrong dear?" You answer, "Oh, nothing." If he jumps to the assumption that you don't want to talk, and you jump to the assumption that he doesn't care anyways, you're at a communication dead end.
     If your child runs through the house tracking mud, laughing, and slamming the doors and you yell, "Stop that!" he won't know exactly what you mean, and you'll put a glitch in your relationship. To understand each other you have to talk and listen for specifics. It may take more efforts up front, but but you will gain the pleasure of understanding, which, in turn, leads to greater compatibility and family unity.
     To arrive at understanding we have to be specific, ask for clarification, and don't assume. The understanding that develops between you and the rest of the family when we do these things, will be a source of comfort for all of us.
     The talk, listen n understand is the most effective way to build the trust between relationships n a sense of communication. Good relationships depend on us understanding one another. When family members don't feel understood, they'll feel like outsider and will look elsewhere for acceptance. But when they know that you're taking the time to try to understand, they'll have the security that comes with belonging. Hearing you mom or pop say, "I want to understand," is like the telephone; it keeps family plugged in and connected. And remember, jus because your related doesn't mean everything is open for discussion. Don't spread rumors about each other. If you talk about your sister behind her back, make sure it's something you'd be willing to say to her face.

(couldn't be this confident in my blogs, attitude is playing its role...:)    


  1. So true, So relevant! But assumption can be a kind of sign that you know someone very well, so as to 'guess' or to assume what he's feeling, or what he is going to say...However it doesn't exclude the fantastic virtue of listening to each other.
    So far this is my favorite post,I loved the image.
    I copied your post to remind me all the time that we should 'strive for understanding', I hope you don't mind :)
    Ps. Sorry for any mistakes or anything, I'm not a native.

  2. That's fine with me, Dominique. N m glad u like my post n images. I myself love it too, when I c the preview :)